Do you need “likes”

face book likesHave you ever got lost down the rabbit hole of facebook, LinkedIn or other popular social media website. You can lose hours then suddenly look up at the time in surprise and wonder where that time went. This isn’t flow. This is distraction. This is a time drain. It may make you feel good, even validated, but in the end you have lost valuable time and attention that could have been focused elsewhere.

FaceBook ‘likes’ might feel good but I am very worried that a lot of people become dependant on them and even addicted to getting more and more likes. It is creating a culture of needing to be validated. It is creating a ‘neediness’.

 

On the subject of relationships, do you need your partner to validate you? Do you need your partner to turn you on and make you feel good. Do you expect that from them or are you in charge of your own turn on, your own feel good, your own orgasms?

 

Orgasmic Flow is about being turned on by life. It is about finding validation and inspiration from the experience of flow. It does not depend on likes from anyone or internet social media. It depends on you. It is what you contribute to your relationship not expect from it.

Finding flow is a unique experience and once you have been in flow you may not even know how you got there or how to get back into it. When you are in flow you can lose track of time and place even. You feel so absorbed by what you are doing that nothing much else matters. It feels so good to be in flow that it can become a divine experience. You let go of ego and any need to have anyone validate what you are doing or why. It gives you a sense of freedom and a state free from worry.

Orgasmic flow is very powerful. Think Flow under a magnifying glass. If you don’t think you have ever experienced flow you would have, even if it was when you were a child immersed in play. When you do experience orgasmic flow, everything is intensified. Orgasmic flow is not short lived like a physical orgasm. Orgasmic flow lasts long after the memory of any orgasms. You can carry a state of orgasmic flow with you for hours and even days. You can be in a state of orgasmic state for a long period of time that you start to wonder if you will ever come out of it. Guilt starts to kick in because you are not used to feeling this good for this long. Don’t sabotage it! You are meant to feel this good.

Inspiration and creativity are natural by products of Orgasmic Flow. Whatever your project is that you are working on, focus on a relevant intention during orgasmic flow and keep a pen and paper handy then just go with the flow. Write everything down even if it doesn’t make sense at the time. Orgasmic Flow connects you to your source of inspiration. You won’t need anyone’s ‘likes’ or validation when you are in Orgasmic Flow!

 

Sensual flow for couples

What do remember most about first meeting and falling in love with someone?

Was it the excitement of connecting with someone who turned you on? Was it the relief that you could relate to someone and they ‘got you’? Was the the giddy feeling that came over you whenever you heard their voice? Or was it their touch?

We can usually remember that amazing feeling of falling in love which in the long run isn’t really sustainable…… or is it? No, it’s not meant to last and never does you might say. What can we do though to build and sustain an exciting fulfilling relationship that keeps turning us on? FLOW. 

I’ve talked about before how couples who flow together grow together. That is couples that engage in activities that take them into a state of flow enhances their experience of happiness and satisfaction, as a couple and in life in general.

Here’s another way to engage in flow together……. get into sensual flow. Sensual flow is devoting time and touch to each other. Sensual flow connects couples through touch, oxytocin and dopamine and inspiration.

So how to you get into sensual flow together? One of the easiest and funnest ways is sensual massage. Use lots of oil, have calming music playing, lock the door and play. Lose any expectations of the massage ending up sexual. It’s all about touch, connection and flow through turn on.

Set an intention together and then go with the flow. The flow of oil, the flow of music, the flow of touch. The serendipitous thing about sensual massage is that it is easier for the giver to go into flow than the receiver. Giving a sensual massage is like an unchoreographed dance. The flow of your hands on a naked body can take you to a world you have never been before.

Remember allow time and devote this time to each other, sensual flow and your relationship will take on a new energy. Go with the flow, the sensual flow!

You may also want to try OYoga together.

 

couple hugging

How to inspire your relationship and sex life

What turns you on? Do you know that you are auto-erotic? Can you allow yourself to be auto-erotic or have you spent most of your life suppressing your sexuality and desire?

“sexual desire is energy- a sustainable resource that’s available to us if we want it, even those of us who may not have it right now.” Gina Ogden; The Return of Desire.

So many of us live our lives numb to pleasure and desire. We have put up walls and defences to traumas that we aren’t even aware about. We find our sexual relationships stuck in Ground Hog day, repeating painful patterns that end up in even more defences.

Research has shown that sexual and spiritual experience share a common and undeniable core quality: a hunger for connection and meaning. (Ogden 2008)

Your sexuality is not just about intercourse. Sexual energy is creative energy, it is inspiring energy, it is divine energy. You can feel it when you feel connected to the earth and your authentic self. Being auto-erotic is being turned on by life, turned on by a beautiful sunset. It is being turned on by the way we can move and how healthy we feel. It is being turned on by an exciting and new idea. It is random waves of euphoria that wash over us at unexpected moments during an average day. It is feeling connected, to ourself, to others, to strangers, to the universe. It is a way of being.

When discover our own “turn on” and feel “auto-erotic” then we can bring this to our relationship to re-inspire it. It is then no longer the responsibility of our partner to turn us on, because we already are. This takes a lot of pressure and expectations off our relationship to fulfill us. We are then bringing a renewed and fresh energy to our relationship. Your partner will truly appreciate you more and probably fall in love with you all over again.

OYoga’s approach to sexual desire is much more than physical. Your sexuality is connected to your spirituality and if you allow yourself to go deeper and find orgasmic flow you can construct your life around what is meaningful and inspirational.

OYoga’s philosophy centres on inspiring your life and keeping you turned on by life. OYoga and Orgasmic flow is a transformational practice and brings pleasure that touches your core. You can create an energy that not only infuses and inspires your own heart and soul but also inspires your relationship.

Orgasm wakes us up and ignites our energy. Orgasmic Flow takes us deeper into a spiritual realm of inspiration and divine connection. Connecting with your own orgasmic flow enhances your relationship with yourself and your partner.

I invite you to re-inspire your life and relationship with OYoga and Intimate Inspirations.

How Flow Improves Your Relationship

Research shows that in normal marriages and relationships, spending more time together does not improve or increase the quality of the relationship. (Gager & Sanchez, 2003; Huston, McHale & Crouter, 1986)

The way in which the couple spends their time together is important. (Graham 2008)

riley-elayna

Studies have  also be narrowed this down even more, defining that participating in co-joint activities is good but active involvement in exciting activities is even more strongly associated with relationship quality. That means that Saturday date night at the fancy restaurant and movies after is very pleasurable but are not as effective as be involved in more exciting and challenging activities together like sailing or hiking.

Novel, exciting and challenging activities promote self expansion and opportunities for growth. This idea fits in with the self expansion model developed out of research by Dutton & Aron, who were initially researching arousal and attraction.

The Self Expansion Model describes love as a result of the motivation toward growth and self expansion. (Graham 2008)

When a person experiences exciting and challenging new things with a partner, they incorporate and associate their positive self expansion with their partner. This creates a strong and positive connection that promotes intimacy and enduring friendship. The relationship is seen as inspiring and is highly valued.

A new relationship is exciting and challenging as each person has to focus his or her attention in a wide variety of engaging and communicating activities. As the relationship progresses there are less and less challenges and opportunities for growth and boredom sets in. Relationship satisfaction decreases over time. Couples that do say their relationships are satisfying regularly continue to find new ways to engage in exciting co-joint activities that inspire them to exercise skills and grow together.

These couples experience FLOW together. They lose track of time and are totally immersed in what they are doing. They are focused, creative and happy being involved in their project or activity together. They are in the zone together. They challenge and inspire each other. They incorporate positive aspects of each other into their own personality.

A couple that flows together stays together.

Flow is described as the optimal human experience. Flow is a mental state when you are engaged in a highly challenging activity that matches you current skill level. When you completely engaged in an activity experiencing flow, it feels effortless and you feel invigorated and energised. It doesn’t matter what the outcome of the activity is as the activity itself is the reward.

Activities that are intrinsically motivating promote engagement and growth; it is those type of activities that are more likely to facilitate the experience of flow. (Csikszentmihalyi)

When a relationship reaches the point of both people feeling secure and loved, it provides a solid base for even more explorations and growth.

Connection before Correction

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Do you find yourself in frequent argument with your partner? Are the frequent arguments usually about the same topic? Do you get exasperated and feel that your partner never listens to you  and completely disregards your view on a particular topic? Do you feel they are arguing just because they want to be right? Chances are you are too!

When our busy lives take over and we spend less and less time connecting with our spouses,  our connection and intimacy suffers. The result; more frequent arguments…. over petty things. We stop listening to each other. We stop making time for each other. We avoid hard conversations. We don’t feel like connecting and being intimate because we are holding on to resentment. It becomes a catch 22 situation, “I’ll make love with my partner when I’m not so angry with him”.

Find your own orgasm, bring your own turned on feeling to your relationship.

Whats going on? What can you do to get out of this familiar but damaging pattern? The answer is child psychology. No your partner isn’t a child but child psychology can gives us great advice that is also relevant to our relationship.

Child psychology now tells us that attachment is the most important thing our kids need. When they feel secure and are close to parents they are more likely to listen to their parents and accept guidance and correction. They are less likely to be led astray by peer group pressure or become peer focused.

Connect before you correct.

Connect before you correct is how we should approach our children and our spouses. If we are not connected then trust is weakened. If we are always yelling trust is weakened. If we are always criticising then trust is weakened.

Connect…… verbally and physically.

We need physical connection more than anything in the world. Physical connection is like air. We shrivel and die without it. Our relationships shrivel and die without it. Our connection dies without it. Hold on to your kids and hold on to your partner.

Physical connection builds trust. We all need someone that we trust most in this world and that should be our parents for kids and our spouse for adults.

When we focus on intimacy, physical and verbal, then the subjects that cause issues are better received. There is less rebellion and more understanding. When we are full of oxytocin the cuddle hormone, then we are not going to want to fight about it.

Most couples have a ‘hot topic’, one that is guaranteed to trigger defensiveness and criticism. How do you approach these topics? Cuddle first? Well yes but make sure the cuddle bank is full. This is a long term investment. And do you know what really gets a relationship buzzing? What was that drug you both felt when you first fell in love? Dopamine, yes dopamine makes you feel soooooo good. Combine dopamine with oxytocin to stabilise it and you have a fabulous concoction for a great long term connection.

Where does dopamine come from? Orgasm. Where does orgasm come from? That’s easy to answer if you are a guy. A little more tricky for women but it doesn’t have to be. It is not your partners’ responsibility to make you orgasm. It’s really up to you to find your own orgasm first, your own turn on so that you can bring it to your relationship. This takes so much pressure off him (or her if you are in a same sex relationship).

Find your orgasm, find your turn on, come to your relationship turned on by life!

Let your intimacy inspire you both.