Flow

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Have you ever been so absorbed in something that nothing else mattered? Have you ever felt so “in the zone” that what you were doing just flowed effortlessly? Have you been in a state where inspiration flowed and you don’t even know where your ideas came from? Have you ever felt ‘a knowing’ so deep that it had to be the right path/decision/inspiration? Did you notice that during these times you felt so good, it felt so right, that you were happiest and most creative and inspired? You were in FLOW. It not only feels fantastic to be in flow, it can be a way you reconnect with your intuition, your creativity, wellbeing and your divine being.

What is flow?

The state of flow has been studied by psychologist Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi. His goal was to understand happiness and what made life worth living. We tend to lump this responsibility on to our loved ones and usually end up frustrated and disappointed. The answer to a fulfilling life is not just love.

Csikzentmihalyi found out through his research that it was people who spent time in a flow state to be happiest more productive and creative. Further research by Graham found that couples who engaged in activities of flow together had happier relationships. When we are experiencing flow, certain parts of the brain become quieter especially the superior frontal gyrus. This siliences our inner critic and fears allowing intense focus and inspiration to flow freely uninhibited.

So when we are in a state of flow it is easier to think more creatively and more courageously. Your sense of self expands and you are able to imagine new possibilities. We are too involved in what we are doing to protect our ego and we emerge from a state of flow with a greater sense of self. We forget ourselves and become totally immersed in what we are doing. It is a highly productive and creative state. We may even forget to eat for an extended period of time and tiredness isn’t felt. A super focused mind is far more efficient and creative than a distracted mind. We solve problems faster and can even feel tapped in to intuition and divine guidance. Most importantly, it feels effortless and we emerge feeling inspired and turned on by life.

The state of flow is a healing state as it changes the chemistry of the brain. There are five potent neurochemicals that are released when we are in flow that amplify the immune system; dopamine, noradrenaline, endorphins, serotonin and anandamide. (Kotler 2014)

The state of flow buys us moments of freedom that help the body and mind heal.

Flow reconnects us to our self and reminds us how good we are meant to feel.

So What is Orgasmic Flow?

Orgasmic flow is not just about orgasm. It is about being turned on by life and in a state of flow. Orgasmic flow starts with energy, sensual energy we build from our OYoga practice. We combine that energy with intention or what is called Intimate Inspirations. Where your focus goes your energy flows.

Without focused intention, our energy can become scattered and confusing and even overwhelming and in reaction we can shut it down again. OYoga is a very intentional practice that helps us feel and direct sensual energy towards an inspiring and exceptional life. It is through OYoga that we can reach a state of flow, orgasmic flow. Our orgasmic flow state acts like a magnifying glass taking us deeper into our intentions and inspirations.

What does Orgasmic Flow feel like?

  • Complete absorption in what you are doing.
  • Turned on by what you are doing.
  • Clarity and a feeling of knowing without doubt.
  • Confidence without your inner critic.
  • Freedom from worry about what anyone thinks about you.
  • Timelessness and egolessness.
  • Empowerment.
  • Control and a sense of mastery.
  • Creative and inspired. Keep a pen and paper handy when you are in flow.

 

 

How Flow Improves Your Relationship

Research shows that in normal marriages and relationships, spending more time together does not improve or increase the quality of the relationship. (Gager & Sanchez, 2003; Huston, McHale & Crouter, 1986)

The way in which the couple spends their time together is important. (Graham 2008)

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Studies have  also be narrowed this down even more, defining that participating in co-joint activities is good but active involvement in exciting activities is even more strongly associated with relationship quality. That means that Saturday date night at the fancy restaurant and movies after is very pleasurable but are not as effective as be involved in more exciting and challenging activities together like sailing or hiking.

Novel, exciting and challenging activities promote self expansion and opportunities for growth. This idea fits in with the self expansion model developed out of research by Dutton & Aron, who were initially researching arousal and attraction.

The Self Expansion Model describes love as a result of the motivation toward growth and self expansion. (Graham 2008)

When a person experiences exciting and challenging new things with a partner, they incorporate and associate their positive self expansion with their partner. This creates a strong and positive connection that promotes intimacy and enduring friendship. The relationship is seen as inspiring and is highly valued.

A new relationship is exciting and challenging as each person has to focus his or her attention in a wide variety of engaging and communicating activities. As the relationship progresses there are less and less challenges and opportunities for growth and boredom sets in. Relationship satisfaction decreases over time. Couples that do say their relationships are satisfying regularly continue to find new ways to engage in exciting co-joint activities that inspire them to exercise skills and grow together.

These couples experience FLOW together. They lose track of time and are totally immersed in what they are doing. They are focused, creative and happy being involved in their project or activity together. They are in the zone together. They challenge and inspire each other. They incorporate positive aspects of each other into their own personality.

A couple that flows together stays together.

Flow is described as the optimal human experience. Flow is a mental state when you are engaged in a highly challenging activity that matches you current skill level. When you completely engaged in an activity experiencing flow, it feels effortless and you feel invigorated and energised. It doesn’t matter what the outcome of the activity is as the activity itself is the reward.

Activities that are intrinsically motivating promote engagement and growth; it is those type of activities that are more likely to facilitate the experience of flow. (Csikszentmihalyi)

When a relationship reaches the point of both people feeling secure and loved, it provides a solid base for even more explorations and growth.

The Purpose of the Female Orgasm

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For hundreds of years scientists have wondered and speculated what is the purpose of the female orgasm. They must have been male or they would have found out. I found this quote from a recent (2011) scientist;

 “Figuring out the function of female orgasm, if any, will probably require very large genetically informative samples, fertility data, and detailed information on sexual behaviour, orgasm rate, and the conditions and partners involved.”

I don’t need a scientist to figure it out for me. I am female and I know the purpose of the female orgasm and it is very important and significantly affects the quality of a woman’s life. It’s not about fertility or incentive to procreate. It’s not about partner selection or genetics.

So what is the point of female orgasms? The experts are still out on that one.

They are not just a feel good lovely way to bond with your partner.

The purpose is a higher purpose; Inspiration.

An orgasm and being orgasmic is about being turned on by life. It is a womans’ link to her intuition and higher creativity. It’s her source of energy and empowerment. It is her connection to guidance and divinity. Orgasm keeps her passionate and in love with herself and life. It’s her birthright as a woman to be multi orgasmic. Why would you want to go through life without them! Share this article if you agree.

Connection before Correction

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Do you find yourself in frequent argument with your partner? Are the frequent arguments usually about the same topic? Do you get exasperated and feel that your partner never listens to you  and completely disregards your view on a particular topic? Do you feel they are arguing just because they want to be right? Chances are you are too!

When our busy lives take over and we spend less and less time connecting with our spouses,  our connection and intimacy suffers. The result; more frequent arguments…. over petty things. We stop listening to each other. We stop making time for each other. We avoid hard conversations. We don’t feel like connecting and being intimate because we are holding on to resentment. It becomes a catch 22 situation, “I’ll make love with my partner when I’m not so angry with him”.

Find your own orgasm, bring your own turned on feeling to your relationship.

Whats going on? What can you do to get out of this familiar but damaging pattern? The answer is child psychology. No your partner isn’t a child but child psychology can gives us great advice that is also relevant to our relationship.

Child psychology now tells us that attachment is the most important thing our kids need. When they feel secure and are close to parents they are more likely to listen to their parents and accept guidance and correction. They are less likely to be led astray by peer group pressure or become peer focused.

Connect before you correct.

Connect before you correct is how we should approach our children and our spouses. If we are not connected then trust is weakened. If we are always yelling trust is weakened. If we are always criticising then trust is weakened.

Connect…… verbally and physically.

We need physical connection more than anything in the world. Physical connection is like air. We shrivel and die without it. Our relationships shrivel and die without it. Our connection dies without it. Hold on to your kids and hold on to your partner.

Physical connection builds trust. We all need someone that we trust most in this world and that should be our parents for kids and our spouse for adults.

When we focus on intimacy, physical and verbal, then the subjects that cause issues are better received. There is less rebellion and more understanding. When we are full of oxytocin the cuddle hormone, then we are not going to want to fight about it.

Most couples have a ‘hot topic’, one that is guaranteed to trigger defensiveness and criticism. How do you approach these topics? Cuddle first? Well yes but make sure the cuddle bank is full. This is a long term investment. And do you know what really gets a relationship buzzing? What was that drug you both felt when you first fell in love? Dopamine, yes dopamine makes you feel soooooo good. Combine dopamine with oxytocin to stabilise it and you have a fabulous concoction for a great long term connection.

Where does dopamine come from? Orgasm. Where does orgasm come from? That’s easy to answer if you are a guy. A little more tricky for women but it doesn’t have to be. It is not your partners’ responsibility to make you orgasm. It’s really up to you to find your own orgasm first, your own turn on so that you can bring it to your relationship. This takes so much pressure off him (or her if you are in a same sex relationship).

Find your orgasm, find your turn on, come to your relationship turned on by life!

Let your intimacy inspire you both.

Understanding the Feminine Mystique

LayersofChic-how-to-dress-1950s-housewife-style-betty-draperThe Feminine Mystique is an idealized image of domestic femininity that arose in the early 1950’s. Betty Friedan wrote about the crisis that ‘has no name’ that plagued women of the 1950’s and 1960’s in her book The Feminine Mystique. Friedan interviewed homemakers about their dissatisfaction with their picture perfect domestic life; working and often well paid husband, children, nice home, the ability to buy clothes, haircuts and domestic appliances. Life for them was meant to be fulfilling according to the media that reinforced the ideal of the American housewife and advertisers who took advantage of their dissatisfaction by selling them the next new appliance that would make their life easier and more satisfying.

Women were socially pressured into becoming housewives and women as young as 17 were getting married before they even left college. If they happened to enter college and even finish college they gave away their future to become the perfect wife and mother.

The life of a house wife prevents women from developing their own identity and keeps them dependent and at the financial mercy of their husband. Friedan encourages women to seek fulfillment in education rather than pursuing the image of the Feminine Mystique.

What Friedan describes as the Feminine Mystique is known today as being a “domestic Goddess”. Could it possibly be that the ‘condition with no name’ is actually a contributor to post natal depression. Women are now having children later and later because they are actually focusing more on their career first. The loss of identity is actually more profound after having a career and independence. It is also easier for women now to reclaim  an identity that they once had, than never establishing one in the first place.

So is The Feminine Mystique still relevant to us today? Absolutely. Media today still targets women creating an ideal of perfect mother and homemaker. Women are made to feel guilty if they can’t breast feed or if they go back to work too early. But it’s not all about making babies and home making and fitting in a career. If that is all that is need to have a fulfilling life as a women then why aren’t we all completely fulfilled?

There is more to feeling in charge and empowered and ‘turned on by life’ than successfully juggling children, home, and career. Self help ‘guru’s’ are popping up everywhere and we are very privileged to enter an age where information and education is easily accessible. The guru’s tout “find and follow your passion”, not just a career. But is that really the answer? Yes it will certainly help the fulfillment levels if you are following your passion and earning money while you are at it but is there more?

I believe there is more. Please don’t feel greedy wanting more and I mean this in a non-materialistic way. You deserve more. You can feel turned on by life. It is available to you. So what is the answer to ‘more’?

More is a connection to spirit and inspiration. It is a way to tap into your creativity and intuition. It is a source of energy and empowerment that strengthens you and guides you.

Women are blessed with an ability that is out of men’s reach and this is our ‘magic potion’ to connecting us to the ‘more’ we are looking for. The hardest part for most of us is tapping in to this magic potion. It is available to all of us no mater our age, the biggest block is our belief systems instilled into us over centuries that keep a woman ‘chemically castrated’. That may seem like a harsh term to use but that is literally what our belief system does to us. It affects our hormones and our freedom to connect to our self and our own bodies.

So yes a magic potion sounds wonderfully easy and a simple solution, but to access that magic potion can take a lot of unpacking and relearning. So where do you start? You may not consciously know what the blocks are and where they come from. But we need to do this work for our own sake and the sake of our daughters. We need to notice what beliefs surrounding sexuality, relationships and marriage that we are passing on to our daughters. We need to be ultra conscious and vigilant of noticing how our belief systems affect the way we treat ourselves and how in turn that teaches people how to treat us.

We have to be conscious of parts of our self and identity we give up or hide to please others and to fit in and be socially acceptable. Yes social media is a fantastic innovation but we have also seen the side effects especially on young teenagers who are using it to search for validation and an identity. So we do have more and more platforms to express ourselves but those same platforms also become a source of criticism and deformation of character.

The Magic Potion we have within us is a matter of connection and self validation; with ourselves. This is where your journey starts to become orgasmicly inspired. It is an eye opening and amazing journey which you will need some help and guidance. Start your journey as soon as you can no matter what stage you are at. It is so worth it to be Turned on by Life!

Do You Need to Reclaim Your Sexuality?

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Having children is hard on both parents but especially the women. What we used to create that child is then severely compromised after we have that child; our sexuality. It suffers. It suffers from sleep deprivation, it suffers because of our now distorted body and body image, it suffers because all our energy and concentration is focused on one thing, our child and getting through each day (and night!)

We put it on the back burner because there are more important things at hand. We say “not tonight” because sleep is far far more important right now. We say no because frankly now days it’s hard to even just look in the mirror at our naked body let alone get turned on by it and having to share it. And when you are still breastfeeding those lovely once upon a time symbols of sexiness just don’t want to be touched by yet another human being!

But let me tell you, your sexuality IS IMPORTANT. It is a part of your identity and power. It is a part of your wholeness and mental health. When we neglect that part of ourselves for whatever reason we neglect our source of life energy, source of creativity, our source of inspiration and intuition.

Reconnecting with your sexuality after child birth is a part of maintaining mental strength in the most tumultuous and toughest stage of a woman’s life. It can help pull you out of the depths of post natal depression. Did I mention your sexuality is important?

We actually need to reconnect with ourselves before we can fully give to our partner. We need to re-ignite our own ‘turn on’ before attempting to bring back the passion in our relationship, and that can be a very hard thing to do.

Addressing the topic of sexuality even with a lovely devoted and compassionate partner can be hard. There are so many layers of shame to drill through. You might even need a jackhammer!

Be brave, it’s worth it. You are worth it. You owe it to yourself and nobody else. Your experience of your own sexuality colours your whole life. Own it!

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